AND another revelation.

During the Germany trip I realized I had to let my anger towards one of the the people who knows me best in this world go. I hadn't talked to him in person in over a year, and I'd been terribly rude to him (rude through text, rude to other people concerning him, just rude). God was telling me it was unhealthy and it was just dragging me through the dirt instead of actually helping me heal. Two minutes after I posted that last blog post, he contacted me agreeing that we should try to be friends. Um. Consider two cases closed then. God: 2. World: 0.

I want to go back.

I've discovered slowly over the past ten days that I want to go back. Where you might ask?

To this moment: Oh yes. It was a moment.

In the Saxony Switzerland National Park, a twenty year old asthmatic with a-fib climbed up 900 steps in the middle of the mountain/woods. It really doesn't sound impressive at all, but to me it meant the world. Ever since my heart scare in January I've been tentative to work out in an air conditioned gym, much less actually put strain on myself in the great outdoors (and more importantly in a foreign country). Coming back to Ozark has been quite the let-down from such a grand trip. I'd like to revisit Germany, of course, but more importantly this school year I'd like to revisit the Lorilyn who's not afraid of anything because she knows her God is with her.

An interesting revelation: Before the trip, I was worried about my heart. I'm not going to dilute the story and say I was just a little anxious, I was quite burdened by worry. I didn't want to have a heart attack and have to have MedJet fly me back to the States (although, MedJet would have been a welcome relief to the shrieking children with whom I actually flew home). As per usual, my worry was unfounded (I've never had a heart attack), but all the same bothersome. Before I left, my Mom told me, "Lorilyn, you know that God watches even the birds, so you know He'll be taking care of you." She's a good Mom, and since she's a bird enthusiast (bird creep...she whispers in a crazy voice whenever a hummingbird graces our feeder) I brought her a glass bird home (after noticing how ballin' the one Kathleen had picked out for a friend that was moving) from the Czech Republic. Mom had left little notes in my suitcase for the trip, and one had a picture of a bird (crudely drawn by Lisa) and said "He cares for the birds; He's caring for you." I hadn't given the birds much thought after reading that note, however, God was teaching me other lessons (Case in point: Anytime I felt worn out or sore and voiced that opinion within three seconds a person not in good health would appear. It never failed. Sometimes it was elderly people with oxygen tanks, other times unfortunate souls who lost a limb. It grounded me and helped me remember I was on a recreational trip and didn't normally have to walk several miles a day, and some people weren't lucky enough to have a choice). So when I got back to the States and four days later, once I'd caught up on my sleep patterns, went to our little family pew in Ozark Baptist Church I opened the bulletin. Staring me in the face was a little image to which my eye was automatically drawn. It was a picture of a bird and it read in white cursive print, "Even the birds." It might as well have said, "Even the birds, Lorilyn." I'm pretty sure I read it that way. What a meaningful phrase for a compulsive worrier. I've concluded that my Jesus loves me, you, and the birds.